Thoughts from our buddy George Carlin…

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- February 4, 2004 at 12:12 am #2130
  
  Anonymous
  Inactive
  
  1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  
  2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
  it considered a hostage situation?
  
  3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would they
  still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
  
  4. What’s another word for synonym?
  
  5. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
  
  6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
  
  7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be
  thrown away?
  
  8. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
  
  9. Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
  
  10. Why do they report power outages on TV?
  
  11. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is
  eating an endangered plant?
  
  12. Is it possible to be totally partial?
  
  13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  
  14. Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk?
  
  15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
  will clean them?
  
  16. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their
  headlights off?
  
  17. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
  
  18. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is
  he still wrong?
  
  19. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
  
  20. Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
  
  21. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  
  22. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
  remain silent?
  
  23. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
  
  24. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
- February 4, 2004 at 12:35 am #9652
  
  ShiznitBeast
  Member
  
  @BillyGoatScruff wrote:
  
  2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
  it considered a hostage situation?
  
  lol… DASSA GUDE ONE!
- February 4, 2004 at 12:57 am #9655
  
  Ranman311
  Moderator
  
  george carlin = r0oLz
- February 4, 2004 at 1:11 am #9660
  
  Trienish
  Participant
  
  George Carlin is all well and good, but I think I would have liked it better if you had posted Jeff Foxworthy’s “You just might be a redneck” jokes.
- February 4, 2004 at 1:32 am #9666
  
  ShiznitBeast
  Member
  
  Everyone has heard those jokes a million times. At least George Carlin’s material is diverse.
- February 4, 2004 at 1:34 am #9667
  
  Yaeger
  Participant
  
  to avoid post-whoring and false gman points,
  
  http://www.frontiernet.net/~tzuleger/webjokes/red/rednecks.shtml
- February 4, 2004 at 1:58 am #9669
  
  Trienish
  Participant
  
  I’ve heard a few of those before too…
- February 4, 2004 at 2:51 am #9674
  
  jfmangano
  Moderator
  
  Why don’t you cry about it?
- February 4, 2004 at 2:52 am #9677
  
  Gman
  Keymaster
  
  Saddlebags!
- February 4, 2004 at 3:06 am #9680
  
  Trienish
  Participant
  
  @Weirfan66 wrote:
  
  Why don’t you cry about it?
  
  That came out of no where….
- February 4, 2004 at 3:34 am #9688
  
  ShiznitBeast
  Member
  
  You may have heard a few of those… but my point was that George Carlin doesn’t stick to the same old format with his jokes. Not to mention the redneck jokes get pretty old pretty quick.
- February 4, 2004 at 3:46 am #9695
  
  Yaeger
  Participant
  
  redneck words are funnier
  
  widja-didja:
  
  You didn’t bring a pen widja-didja?
  
  initiate:
  
  My mom ate a hamburger, initiate a bag of chips
  
  aorta:
  
  They hired him but aorta gotten someone else
- February 4, 2004 at 3:49 am #9697
  
  ShiznitBeast
  Member
  
  Would everyone just stop making fun of my kind! Jeez, you guys can’t take a hint… THIS HURTS!!
- February 4, 2004 at 4:58 am #9706
  
  Trienish
  Participant
  
  Why don’t you cry about it?
- February 4, 2004 at 5:01 am #9708
  
  Yaeger
  Participant
  
  everyone is a redneck in one way or another
- February 4, 2004 at 5:03 am #9711
  
  Trienish
  Participant
  
  It’s okay though, as long as you don’t live in the South.
- February 4, 2004 at 1:56 pm #9714
  
  jfmangano
  Moderator
  
  Stupid South…refusing to recognize they got owned in the Civil War. That’s like a Bostonian denying that ball ever got past Bill Buckner.
- February 4, 2004 at 2:22 pm #9718
  
  squiergfx
  Member
  
  hoowah!
- February 4, 2004 at 7:55 pm #9736
  
  UltimaLink
  Member
  
  It would be entertaining if you had actually typed and made this all yourself, but unfortunatly you stole it from…
  http://ebaumsworld.com/lquestions.shtml
- February 4, 2004 at 7:55 pm #9737
  
  UltimaLink
  Member
  
  either partly from that page or some other site but its definitly stolen
- February 4, 2004 at 8:38 pm #9758
  
  Yaeger
  Participant
  
  look at the topic name, it doesn’t say “Thoughts that i came up with and didn’t steal from ebaumsworld”
- February 4, 2004 at 8:54 pm #9774
  
  Gman
  Keymaster
  
  ……….. OWNED! :shock:
- February 4, 2004 at 8:58 pm #9780
  
  Trienish
  Participant
  
  At least Billy didn’t say that he made the quotes. Would you believe that there are people out there would would claim to write things, take for example a review of an old video game, that were simply copied parts of various other reviews pasted together. What a world!
- February 4, 2004 at 8:59 pm #9782
  
  Yaeger
  Participant
  
  indeed
- February 4, 2004 at 9:04 pm #9787
  
  Gman
  Keymaster
  
  @Trienish wrote:
  
  At least Billy didn’t say that he made the quotes. Would you believe that there are people out there would would claim to write things, take for example a review of an old video game, that were simply copied parts of various other reviews pasted together. What a world!
  
  WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!?!??!!
  
  CERTAINLY NOT….
- February 5, 2004 at 12:31 am #9817
  
  ShiznitBeast
  Member
  
  Link… he comes to town! He comes to PLAGIARIZE his ass off!
- February 5, 2004 at 1:08 am #9827
  
  Trienish
  Participant
  
  He can’t write, he can’t talk…he’s a very depressing Hero of Time.
- February 5, 2004 at 1:28 am #9837
  
  Gman
  Keymaster
  
  I created a picture for the occassion…
- February 5, 2004 at 1:31 am #9843
  
  Trienish
  Participant
  
  It looks like a child drew all the characters in Wind Waker.
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